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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I’ve had nights when I just sat outside me spa, thinkin’ on the chaos, dreamin’ to the tunes of the whales (or somethin’ like that… err, maybe a fish or two!). And let me tell ya, sometimes I even scribble notes on napkins: “The day be grand, even if it’s maddening.” Nah, ya wouldn’t believe the characters on Oakwood Lane; every corner's a tale.

Henrico’s Tuckahoe Creek Park to expand, thanks to land donations